| Here are some columns specifically aimed at spring breakers. For general legal advice not necessarily pertaining to spring break, go here.
Fake ID's and the Perils of Walking While Intoxicated - see how new laws can affect your spring break '98 |
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| A carload of female spring breakers is heading south to the Island, anticipating gentle surf and fine dun colored sand made deliciously warm by the spring sunshine. Their young nubile bodies glisten in anticipation of glorious, uninhibited fun and perhaps casual sex. These girls are looking for Conan. |
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Roaring past them are carloads of boys hooting lustily and hoping to be the Conans of their dreams. They may set themselves high standards for the objects of their debauchery -- which they display openly in vulgar signs pasted on the car proclaiming "No fat chicks" -- but all ladies must beware. Mischief is afoot.... |
| OK guys, we know why you are coming. Your brains are awash with knowledge but your bright, shining intellects are obscured by a cloud of raging testosterone.
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As for you girls, some of you are aching for encounters, perhaps with Mr. Right -- or maybe just Mr. Right Now -- while some of you are curious and ready to become "women."
But girls who wish to remain intact must remember this: Never get in a car with a stranger -- especially if you don't know when to say "when." Never walk on the beach alone at night and never, ever go to the north end of the island alone. Even if you are modest in attire and demeanor, it will not save you if you put yourself in a precarious predicament. The consequences may far exceed whatever horror you can imagine. |
| Gentlemen: Some simple rules -- if allowed to "penetrate" this cloud of raging testosterone -- may prove useful. Assume you have captured the object of your lust and have lured her into your den of iniquity. (It could happen.) She willingly indulges in shots of tequila and beer to a point where her inhibitions wash away. She begins to appear eagerly inquisitive and anxious to explore the dark secrets of desires kept hidden in the dusty corners of her id. She wants you to satisfy her curiosity. You are about to score.
-- Stop right there. Do NOT go any further. Think about how she's going to feel in the morning and how old she is. Maybe she's too drunk or maybe she's too young or maybe both. Sec. 22.011 of the Texas Penal Code deals with the offense of Sexual Assault. Basically, if you intentionally or knowingly penetrate any of her orifices without her consent you have committed a 2nd degree felony punishable by up to 20 years in the Texas Department of Corrections. It is obvious that consent is lacking if she is compelled to submit. But there is no consent if she is too drunk to resist or passes out and is unaware that you are venting your raging lust within her. If she is under the age of 17 years, it is legally impossible for her to consent unless she is your wife and one other which I won't tell. The real problem arises after a glorious evening of close encounters. She may appear willing or even eager but upon her awaking the next day, sober, hung over and ashamed. The young woman may not believe or remember that her furiously enthausiastic engagement with you was what she intended. She may be so distraught that she files a criminal charge against you saying that it was against her will or she was too drunk to resist. And you, my friend, may find yourself arrested for Sexual Assault with a bond of $10,000.00 just to get of jail and face a trial. This does happen and it need not. Leave those drunk girls alone both for their sake and yours. |
 You girls need to watch out for your friends. |
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So, Ladies: Let's say you have Conan just where you want him, alone in daddy's penthouse. You've plied him with beer, but you are a nice girl so no roches, the infamous "date rape pills." He's excited -- you can tell as you move your hand across his abs and down even further. Be careful, you should have checked his driver's license. Sure, he's bright and in college on scholarship and he's on the gymnastic team. But you're 21 and he's not only drunk -- he's only sixteen.
It may sound ridiculous, but in this age of political correctness, affirmative action and equal rights, it is possible for girls to run afoul of this provision of the law as well. A person commits the offense if the person causes the sexual organ of another person -- without that person's consent -- to contact or penetrate the mouth, anus or sexual organ of another person, including the actor. In this case girl, you are the actor. A careful reading of this statute could suggest that a girl causing the sexual organ of an unwilling boy to penetrate any, both or all of the above of another person, including herself -- can be arrested for Sexual Assault and released on a $5,000.00 bond to face trial. (Don't think it can't happen. In San Antonio, a woman was recently convicted of Sexual Assualt. Her victim was a sixteen year old high school student -- a classic exmaple of why you should never video tape yourself and your girl: Your mother may find it. That's how that fool got caught.) Of course, on the Island, the men are more gentlemanly and don't kiss and tell. ;-) |
